// JavaScript Document

// Random Dates

// This function returns an image tag that can be written to the html document
function randomThought(thoughts) {
  // index to the selected image
  var idx = Math.floor(Math.random() * thoughts.length);
  var tag = thoughts[idx];
  return tag;
}

arrFacts = new Array();
arrFacts[0]="I ain't got a home, I got a voice,<br />I love to sing, I sing like a girl,<br />And I sing like a frog,<br />I'm a lonely boy.<br /><strong>Clarence Henry Frogman.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[1]="America is the only nation in history which, miraculously, has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual intervention of civilization<br /><strong>Georges Clemencau, French Prime Minister.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[2]="What is love anyway?<br /><strong>Howard Jones.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[3]="Grey squirrels are rats with exceedingly good PR.<br /><strong>Tom Sykes.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[4]="It don't mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing.<br /><strong>Irving Mills.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[5]="Sometimes you’ve just got to take the biscuit by the horns.<br /><strong>James Fennell.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[6]="It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.<br /><strong>Mark Twain.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[7]="Things are never quite the way they seem.<br /><strong>Stan Ridgeway.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[8]="Touch the Devil and you can’t let go.<br /><strong>Unknown.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[9]="Brother Johnny, he caught a plane and he got on it.<br /><strong>Mink Deville, Spanish Stroll.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[10]="You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon. Need I say more?.<br /><strong>Chris Rock.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[11]="You will find, as you get older, that most of life is a misconception.<br /><strong>4th Baron Rathdonnell.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[12]="Jeyes Flats are made by Nokia." ;
arrFacts[13]="Power is stronger by Unity" ;
arrFacts[14]="Everywhere I hear the sound of marching, charging people.<br /><strong>Rolling Stones.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[15]="Nobody was really sure if he was from the House of Lords.<br /><strong>The Beatles.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[16]="In matters of the cloth, he is as fickle as can be.<br /><strong>The Kinks.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[17]="If I want consciousness expansion, I go to my local tabernacle and I sing!<br /><strong>Alabama 3.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[18]="I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.<br /><strong>Groucho Marx.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[19]="Women should be obscene and not heard.<br /><strong>Groucho Marx.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[20]="Come on baby, let the good times roll, Come on baby, let me thrill your soul.<br /><strong>Shirley & Lee.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[21]="This hard liquor place is a low-down disgrace, it's the meanest bad place in this town.<br /><strong>Woody Guthrie.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[22]="Mid the sagebrush and the cactus, I'll watch the fellas practice droppin' bombs through the clean desert breeze.<br /><strong>Tom Lehrer.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[23]="I saw the light, I saw the light, no more darkness, no more night, now I'm so happy, no sorrow in sight, Praise the Lord, I saw the light.<br /><strong>Hank Williams.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[24]="Jambalaya, a-crawfish pie and-a fillet gumbo, cause tonight I'm gonna see my ma cher a mio.<br /><strong>Hank Williams.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[25]="Jack Daniels, You Lied To Me Again.<br /><strong>Bruce Innes.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[26]="Life Just Gets Teejus, Don't It.<br /><strong>Carson Robinson.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[27]="Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).<br /><strong>Barrence Whitfield.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[28]="My Baby Don't Dance To Nothin' But Ernest Tubbs.<br /><strong>Junior Brown.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[29]="My Bucket's Got A Hole In It.<br /><strong>William York.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[30]="My Get Up And Go Has Got Up And Went.<br /><strong>Jimmy Driftwood.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[31]="My Shoes Keep Walking Back To You.<br /><strong>Ray Price.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[32]="My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him).<br /><strong>Phil Earhart.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[33]="Nigh the fathoms of life lie upon us! Let light guide the way to future abyss...<br /><strong>Ace Fennell.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[34]="Poet's dream of TV screens and artists paint their toenails.<br /><strong>Yrub Nubeltrut.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[35]="Through sycamore trees and bumbly bees, I'll carry you on my back, we'll roll in meadows girl, you and me, and get our freedom back.<br /><strong>Yrub Nubeltrut.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[36]="Turtles only make progress when they stick their necks out." ;
arrFacts[37]="The early bird might catch the worm but its the second mouse that gets the cheese" ;
arrFacts[38]="For here am I sitting in a tin can, far above the world, Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.<br /><strong>David Bowie.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[39]="Because my love for you would break my heart in two if you should fall into my arms and tremble like a flower.<br /><strong>David Bowie.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[40]="And when I get excited, my little China Girl says 'Oh baby just you shut your mouth'.<br /><strong>David Bowie.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[41]="How is it that there are fifty choices for Miss World and only two for the US President?";
arrFacts[42]="Soples diesel ahora!<br /><strong>Maltese for 'Now You're Sucking Diesel'</strong>" ;
arrFacts[43]="There's no such thing as conspiracy theories.<br /><strong>Hairy Tom Butler.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[44]="The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed\".<br /><strong>Albert Einstein</strong>" ;
arrFacts[45]="In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs.<br /><strong>Oscar Wilde’s tutor, Sir John Pentland Mahaffy.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[46]="It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.<br /><strong>Leo Buscaglia.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[47]="O drink your porter, tinker man, and wipe your creamy mouth, the dust is white upon the roads, the wind direct from the south.<br /><strong>Sigerson Clifford, Ballads of the Bog Man.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[48]="Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.<br /><strong>Cliff Clavin's Buffalo Theory, Cheers.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[49]="If I want to quantify anything, I measure it against Clones. There is nothing you will ever encounter in life that you haven't seen in some form in Clones.<br /><strong>Neil Jordan who filmed Pat McCabe's Butcher Boy in Clones.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[50]="Girls like to be played with, and rumpled a little too, sometimes.<br /><strong>Oliver Goldsmith.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[51]="Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.<br /><strong>Oliver Goldsmith.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[52]="Write how you want, the critic shall show the world you could have written better.<br /><strong>Oliver Goldsmith.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[53]="I'm not here for a long time, I'm here for a good time.<br /><strong>Anonymous, Ireland.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[54]="Sure, you've as much chance of winning that [the lotto] as eating a can of alphabet soup and shitting out the entire works of Shakespeare.<br /><strong>Overheard in Lisdoonvarna.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[55]="Don't come home from drinkin' with lovin' on your mind.<br /><strong>Loretta Lynn.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[56]="I ain't got no money to pay for this drink.<br /><strong>Anonymous, Ireland.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[57]="I like the sound of Finnish built cars. But only so long as they're built during the summer months. I don't want something that's been built during the winter when its pitch black and they're all depressed and drinking too much and then maybe not screwing everything on quite right.<br /><strong>Ally Bunbury.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[58]="The plot should be improbable but not impossible.<br /><strong>Ian Fleming.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[59]="Here's to a long life and a merry one, a quick death and an easy one, a pretty girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one.<br /><strong>Anonymous, Ireland.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[60]="Darling, my house-keeping skills are very good. Every time I divorce, I keep the house.<br /><strong>8 times married Zsa Zsa Gabor.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[61]="After a long career of loyalist intransigence larded with religious bigotry, Mr. Paisley must now assent to share power with the Republicans.<br /><strong>Financial Times.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[62]="I've rather taken to Cheltenham. I might make it a regular trip actually. I need to get out more.<br /><strong>Stevo MacFarland.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[63]="There are a terrible lot of lies going on around the world and the worst of it is half of them are true.<br /><strong>Winston Churchill.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[64]="There goes all I shall know of God in this life.<br /><strong>Katherine Barry Moloney, a niece of Kevin Barry, watching her poet husband Patrick Kavanagh crumpling after a hectic book launch.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[65]="Telling me I can do anything I want is like pulling the plug out of the bath and then telling the water it can go anywhere it wants.<br /><strong>Jess in Nick Hornby, A Long Way Down.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[66]="Another damned, thick, square, book! Always scribble, scribble, scribble! Eh! Mr. Gibbon?.<br /><strong>William Henry, Duke of Gloucester, upon receiving the second volume of Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire from the author in 1781.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[67]="By night I sowed my oats far and wide and by day I prayed for a crop failure.<br /><strong>Ginger Powell.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[68]="What have I become, my sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end.<br /><strong>Nine Inch Nails.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[69]="The ponies run, the girls are young, the odds are there to beat. You win a while, and then it's done - your little winning streak.<br /><strong>Leonard Cohen.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[70]="Strike Man.<br /><strong>Sir Walter Raleigh's last words on the executioner's block.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[71]="Well I'm singing this song, cause it's time it was sung. I've been putting it off for a while, cause it's harder by now, and the truth is so clear that I am crying when I'm seeing you smile. So goodbye, so long, the road calls me dear and your tears cannot bind me anymore. And farewell to the girl with the sun in her eyes. Can I kiss you, and then I'll be gone?.<br /><strong>Tom Waits, Old Shoes.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[72]="We live in an imperfect world. I hope I brought you up to understand that. It's also an unfair world. But if you realise that, then you can examine the facts and think well, how do I get out of this awful situation.<br /><strong>My father's advice.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[73]="If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise. If you go down to the woods today, you'd better go in disguise." ;
arrFacts[74]="I have lived in important places, times when great events were decided, who owned that half a rood of rock, a no-man's land surrounded by our pitchfork-armed claims. I heard the Duffeys shouting 'Damn your soul' and old McCabe stripped to the waist, seen step the plot defying blue cast-steel -'Here is the march along these iron stones'. That was the year of the Munich bother. Which was more important? I inclined to lose my faith in Ballyrush and Gortin till Homer's ghost came whispering to my mind. He said 'I made the Iliad from such a local row. Gods make their own importance.<br /><strong>Epic, Patrick Kavanagh.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[75]="In this bright future, you can't forget the past.<br /><strong>Bob Marley.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[76]="And just to show that I care, I will write and declare that I'm on the loose, but I'll stay on the square.<br /><strong>Marilyn Monroe.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[77]="Sometimes if I need advice, I just turn on the radio.<br /><strong>Lucy Madden.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[78]="Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse. Playing cricket is not pressure.<br /><strong>- Australian Test cricketer and World War Two veteran, Keith Miller.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[79]="To have a disaster, three things need to go wrong.<br /><strong>My father's advice.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[80]="Old Etonians are like horseshit. Spread thinly they do rather well but in a  pile, they can stink.<br /><strong>Euan Rellie.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[81]="The greatest sin of a country house is to be narrow-minded, predictable or even worse dull.<br /><strong>Desmond Leslie.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[82]="How could God do this to me after all I've done for Him?<br /><strong>Louis XIV, after the disastrous battle of Malplaquet.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[83]="Remember lanna, its not what you were, nor what you've been, but who you are today.<br /><strong>Betty Scott.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[84]="A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.<br /><strong>Mahatma Gandhi.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[85]="To go for a drink is one thing. To be driven to it is another.<br /><strong>Michael Collins.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[86]="Oh, you know how hammy actors are. Every actor wants to die.<br /><strong>Fulbright, the only person who ever died in The A Team.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[87]="Don't hurry. Don't worry. You're only here for a short visit. So don't forget to stop and smell the roses.<br /><strong>Walter Hagen.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[88]="No Gin til Jericho.<br /><strong>My grandmother, Pamela Drew.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[89]="People don't laugh enough these days. Laughing is very good for your heart.<br /><strong>Nellie O'Toole.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[90]="The best way to get a second favour is to be grateful for the first.<br /><strong>attrib Michael Purcell.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[91]="In the year 3535, ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies. Everything you think, do and say, is in the pill you took today.<br /><strong>Zager & Evans, inspired by 1969 moon landing.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[92]="Here Lies Lester Moore, 4 slugs from a 44, No Less, No More. He was right, we was wrong, But we strung him up, Now he's gone.<br /><strong>Taken from a headstone in the Wild West.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[93]="Never give an order unless there's a good chance of being obeyed.<br /><strong>My father's advice.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[94]="Have you heard of Philip Slingsby, Singsby of the manly chest, How he slew the Snapping Turtle, In the regions of the west?.<br /><strong>Sir Robert Aytoun, The Fight with the Snapping Turtle.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[95]="A little less conversation, a little more action please.<br /><strong>Elvis Aaron Presley.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[96]="If you're very tall its not just rude boys who feel entitled to pass remarks. Perfect strangers in pubs are always coming up and saying 'Me and my friends are just having a bet. Just how tall are you?' Women, to whom one has just been introduced think that it breaks the ice if they scream 'Goodness, you're tall!' How would they like it if I broke the ice first, by screaming  'Goodness, what thick ankles!' or 'Goodness what a bust!'<br /><strong>Sir Tyrone Guthrie, In Various Directions.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[97]="Never bolt your door with a boiled carrot.<br /><strong>Irish proverb.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[98]="Never Let Your Left Hand Know What Your Right Hand Is Doing.<br /><strong>Lil Johnson.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[99]="I know how you feel. For years I longed to pay income tax because then at least I would have had an income.<br /><strong>My father's empathy.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[100]="Who's taken the piss?<br /><strong>Headline in The Star after suspect urine samples from Olympic horse Waterford Crystal were stolen.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[101]="You could say I was bitten by a dog from my own kennel.<br /><strong>Boy George after his brother David told the press about George's heroin addiction.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[102]="You think that's difficult? Try signing postage stamps.<br /><strong>Botanical artist Wendy Walsh to her grandson James Fennell at the launch of Vanishing Ireland.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[103]="And clenching your fist for the ones like us who are oppressed by the figures of beauty, you fixed yourself, you said, Well never mind, we are ugly but we have the music.<br /><strong>Leonard Cohen.</strong>"
arrFacts[104]="Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea-cosy, doesn't try it on.<br /><strong>Billy Connolly.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[105]="The Beatles are dying in the wrong order.<br /><strong>Victor Lewis Smith.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[106]="If it wasn't for women, I'd be married by now.<br /><strong>Angus Craigie.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[107]="I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I'm also not blonde.<br /><strong>Dolly Parton.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[108]="Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering.<br /><strong>R Buckminster Fuller.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[109]="Rejeuvenate the Positive!.<br /><strong>Pamela Drew.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[110]="Most of my great successes in life have been things that Ididn't do.<br /><strong>My father.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[111]="All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.<br /><strong>Cyril Connolly.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[112]="Wonderful theory, wrong species.<br /><strong>E.O.Wilson (on Marxism, which he considered better suited to ants).</strong>" ;
arrFacts[113]="The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.<br /><strong>Socrates, as recorded by Playto.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[114]="When you were a tadpole and I was a fish, In the Paleozoic time, And side by side on the ebbing tide We sprawled through the ooze and slime, Or skittered with many a caudal flip Through the depths of the Cambrian fen, My heart was rife with the joy of life, For I loved you even then.<br /><strong>Langdon Smith (1909).</strong>" ;
arrFacts[115]="Dead at 96 - a good deal older than most of his regiment's victims, but that's another story - is former SS man Fritz Darges. Appointed an adjutant to Hitler in January 1944, he was banished to the Eastern front that July after a fly bothered the Fuhrer. Ordered to kill it, Darges pointed out that as an airborne threat, the fly was a matter for the Adjutant from the Luftwaffe.<br /><strong>Quoted in Irish Daily Mail.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[116]=" A fishmonger is the man who mongs fish; the ironmonger and the warmonger do the same with iron and war. They just mong them.<br /><strong>Mikes & Bentley, How to be an Alien.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[117]="I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he replied,'Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you brighter than any light and safer than any known way.'<br /><strong>George VI, December 1939.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[118]="Don't be ridiculous man, so would you be sweating excessively if you just spent the last five hours lodged between my thighs.<br /><strong>Irish huntswoman Lady Mollie Cusack-Smith to a stable-boy who suggested her horse was sweating excessively.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[119]="Horseshit! The customer’s usually wrong. <br /><strong>Michael O'Leary, Ryanair.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[120]="Fantastic! And to think the guy wrote it all with a feather! <br /><strong>Sam Goldwyn on Shakespeare.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[121]="A mouse could trot on it. <br /><strong>Clones butcher Liam Nicol on a mug of tea served up by his cousin Baby Rudden.</strong>" ;
arrFacts[122]="They're called Nipper and Star and I wouldn't part with either of them for two thousand Euro or more. <br /><strong>My elderly neighbour Paddy Delaney on his two terriers.</strong>" ;